NEW LESSON: SPRING 2006
Feelings are an important way of learning about yourself. Practice identifying your feelings on a regular basis.
"Every soul has to learn the whole lesson for itself. It must go over the whole ground. What it does not see, what it does not live, it will not know." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
How do you feel right now? Are you happy or sad? Are you overwhelmed or relaxed? Are you lonely or bored? Or, are you unsure about how you feel right now? Many diet survivors have difficulty identifying their feelings. You may think that noticing your feelings will be too overwhelming or painful. You may have gotten so good at ignoring your feelings over the past years that you no longer know how to determine what you are feeling.
The problem is that feelings do not go away. Just because you manage not to notice or identify feelings, doesn't mean that they are not there. They get pushed deep inside of you and take up mental energy regardless of whether you are aware of them or not. In fact, your feelings will come out one way or another. Some people become depressed or anxious, while other people turn to substances such as alcohol or drugs in an attempt to get rid of uncomfortable emotions. As a diet survivor, you may turn to food to deal with your feelings. We've discussed the idea of having compassion toward yourself for your need to eat in an attempt to manage these feelings. However, as you move in the direction of taking good care of yourself, it is important to practice the skill of identifying your feelings.
When you are able to put words to what you are feeling, you are likely to notice a sense of calmness. Simply the act of identifying what you feel leads to a greater sense of understanding yourself. One diet survivor was finally able to put words to the distress she felt because of her demanding schedule, and this allowed her to be more gentle wit herself. Another diet survivor identified the feeling of competitiveness she experienced with her co-worker, reminiscent of her relationship with her sister. Once she put words to her feeling of agitation at work, she felt calmer.
Check in with yourself often. Ask yourself, "How does that make me feel?" as a way of staying in tune with yourself day in and day out. If you have reached the point in your journey with normalizing eating where you are eating out of physical hunger most of the time, begin to work toward identifying your feelings when you find yourself reaching for food and you are not hungry.
Remember the words we used in lesson #28. It's time to put them into action. Say to yourself, "I'm reaching for food and I'm not physically hungry. I wonder what I would feel right now if I didn't eat." Then, if possible, do your best to identify your feeling. See if putting words to the feeling(s) is calming enough to allow you to get through the moment without food. If so, that's great. If not, there will be plenty of opportunities ahead for you to try again. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time and space you need to learn this important skill.
Activity: Once more with feeling
As you begin to practice noticing your emotions, use this list to help you identify what you are feeling at a particular time.
- Happy
- Sad
- Bored
- Lonely
- Annoyed
- Betrayed
- Resentful
- Determined
- Ashamed
- Frightened
- Anxious
- Hopeful
- Excited
- Foolish
- Curious
- Guilty
- Angry
- Inspired
- Ambivalent
- Courageous
- Ignored
- Depleted
- Joyful
- Calm
- Misunderstood
"The ability to feel is indivisible. Repress awareness of any one feeling, and all feelings are dulled... the same nerve endings are required for weeping and dancing, fear and ecstasy."
– Sam Keen