NEW LESSON: SUMMER 2009

Stress is a natural part of life.  Learning to manage stress is an important capacity.

Frequently, people who struggle with overeating claim that they are experiencing a stressful situation, and that as soon as it is over they will be able to control their reach for food.  Their big project at work may come to an end or their move to a new city may be over in a couple of months, but the truth is that there is always another stressful situation just around the corner.

Stress is a natural part of life.  The stress response is part of our survival as a species.  You have probably heard of the “fight or flight” response. This means that when we feel threatened, our bodies take over.  Hormones are released that increase our heart rate and blood pressure.   We start to sweat.  These physiological responses allow us to increase certain capacities so that we can either run away quickly or stick around and fight.  These reactions increase our chances of survival.

The stress response also occurs in non-threatening situations.  Whenever you feel that the demands on you are beyond what you can manage, you experience stress.  You may become anxious or irritable as the stress response kicks in.  You may not even notice that this is happening.  Over time, the effects of stress build up and take a negative toll on your body, mind, and spirit.  It puts you at risk of overeating.

If stress is around to stay, what can you do?  It depends on the situation.  Sometimes you can reduce your stress by making changes.  Think about whether there are any stressors that you can get rid of.  If you are someone who commits yourself to all sorts of organizations, maybe you can choose the one that is most important to you and let go of the rest.  If you are exhausted by the combination of work and home, perhaps you can hire a cleaning service once a week to decrease the demands on you.  Think about how you can realistically reduce your stress by changing or letting go of specific tasks.

Sometimes stress comes from the way you feel about something.  One diet survivor found that she experienced a high degree of stress each summer as she displayed her paintings at various art fairs.  She realized that she took it personally when someone looked at her artwork and decided not to buy it.  She had to work on not interpreting this as a personal rejection, and instead accept the fact that people have different preferences and budgets.  This allowed her to enjoy the experience of showing her work to the public and to take pleasure when someone did purchase one of her beautiful paintings.

Another diet survivor had to change the way she thought about her relationship with her husband.   Whenever she considered talking to him about issues that had to do with her feelings, she became stressed.  She anticipated his typical response, which was to immediately take over and try to solve whatever was bothering her.  This felt unhelpful to her because what she really needed was someone to listen.  She tried to get him to understand, but nothing changed.  Overall, she felt quite content with the relationship.  She realized that trying to get him to change stressed her out more than not getting the response she wanted.  Although his inability to listen in the way she wanted disappointed her, she understood that he loved her, and in most other aspects of their relationship he met her needs.  She decided to stop counting on him for this one thing and to rely on her close friends to listen to her instead. This reduced her stress.

All stressful situations cannot be solved.  Sometimes there are things beyond your control.  Watching a loved one struggle with drugs or alcohol, going through a difficult divorce, or dealing with serious illness in your family fall into that category.  Of course, not all stressful situations are equally intense.  You may find yourself stressed because your child broke a dish or because the plumber is running late and you will miss your exercise class.  Again, stuff happens.  These situations are beyond your control.

When you find yourself in a situation over which you have no power to change things, you will have to make peace with whatever is.  This act of acceptance can be difficult, but worrying over something you cannot change creates stress for you and doesn’t change anything.  Try using the phrase “let it go,” to soothe yourself.  Repeat it as often as you need to counteract the stress of trying to fix something that cannot be fixed.

No matter how good of a job you do at reducing the stress in your life, you will still experience a certain amount. That’s where stress management comes in.  Stress management means actively developing ways to help your mind and body recover from the stresses that occur in life.

There are many ways to manage your stress.  You may have reached for food in the past, but it is time to search for more caretaking solutions.  You can take a stress management class. You can exercise, meditate, find a hobby, get plenty of sleep, laugh, and make sure that you have enough down time.  All of these behaviors, discussed in other lessons, support your wellness.  

Do not just wait to be stress- free; that’s impossible to sustain.  Do not ignore your stress because it will take a toll on you.  Do not get stressed at the idea of managing your stress!  Instead, as you feel ready, integrate techniques that will help your body and mind to tolerate the inevitable stresses of being alive.

Activity:  I am so stressed!

Stressed is dessert spelled backwards; a coincidence perhaps, but it’s clear that many people have learned to turn to food as a way to manage the stress in their lives.  This typically creates even more di-stress!  The following ideas can help you manage the inevitable stresses that arise.

Is my stress related to a worry about a possible event in the future or to something that has already past?    Worrying about something that may or may not happen, or worrying about what has already transpired, drains the mind of energy to deal with what is in front of you today.

Is my stress related to something that is going on right now?  If so, this is the time to harness your energy to deal with what is in front of you.  If it is something that is out of your control, then you must work on ways to handle letting go of your wish to change what cannot be changed.  The skills you might want to try in this situation include meditation, hobbies that connect with your spirit, and cultivating the capacity for laughter even in challenging times.  If it is something within your control, you must determine what steps need to be taken to reduce the stress of that situation, and then put your plan into action.

Sorting out the type of stress you are experiencing is a useful way of determining how to use your energy to take care of yourself.  In the spaces below, see if you can distinguish between the various types of stress by giving an example from your own life that fits each category:

Stress related to possible event in the future

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Stress related to event in the past

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Current stress out of your control

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Current stress in your control

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 I’m an old man and I’ve had many troubles, most of which never happened.
-Mark Twain